northanger (northanger) wrote,


it is unusual for a young black girl in the southern united states of america to become a catholic. if you lived in nashville, tennessee around 1933 you were, based on your longitude & latitude, a baptist. specifically, a black baptist.

when i was growing up my mother was roman catholic & my father was agnostic. they married because of my sister. my developing numeracy uncovered my sister's abnormal incubation rate. i knew these things because my father was an obgyn doctor. a careful forensic review uncovered out-of-synch marriage & birth certificates. eagerly i reported my findings to the American Journal of Dysfunctional Family Units at our usual dinner meeting. jeers & derision greeted my announcement. for many years my discovery remained widely unappreciated & unacknowledged (they weren't published either). after years of bitter sibling debate i was finally forgiven by the abnormal one—the first born. esau to my jacob.

i'm glad i grew up catholic. i attended mostly catholic or quaker schools avoiding the american public school system until the 12th grade. discovered i didn't miss much. i'm glad because my mother's focus wasn't making me a "good catholic" but, as a teacher, she wanted her children to learn to think for themselves.

today no one in my family, including my mother, is a catholic. i forget when my mother stopped practicing catholicism. i do remember, however, that after my parent's separated we did stop attending church. the notorious family details of my parent's long separation is mythic & dramatic. the judge had a heart attack while hearing my parent's case. this was god's will, my mother said, since the catholic church did not support divorce. the fear of god fell heavily upon the quivering soul of my agnostic father who wisely decided to avoid divorce court for a few years. he's not stupid—his father was a well-known preacher in mississippi.

years later i was driving my mother's car to a restaurant. family dinner with my dad & step-mom (quote - the other woman - unquote). i would drive behind my father. my step mom decided to ride shotgun to make sure i got there ok since i didn't know the way. fifteen minutes later i'm standing at the side of the road with emergency personnel around my mother's banged up car as they carefully figure out how to delicately extricate my step-mother. i'm experiencing my first car accident.

the fear of god falls heavily upon my quivering soul. i do my fucking best to ignore it.

ironically. a cop nearby witnesses the entire accident. luckily. the accident is properly photographed, measured & documented for insurance purposes. dutifully. at the hospital i call my mother. who chortles as my body goes fridgid.

i remember standing outside the hospital & blankly looking at the stars. superstition is a subtle & strangely familiar enemy. you find yourself sleeping with this enemy not because you choose to, but because there is no escape.

until. one day you meet a new high priest. someone more subtle, more devious, more nasty, more evil & beastly than anyone else.

there is catholicism and everyone else (christianity). (faggots, dykes, magicians, pagans, witches & minor nihilists do not count). the roman catholic church has had thousands of years of perfecting strategies & tactics versus the few paltry decades of the modern, sophmoronic lowercase media cartel. The Church has absorbed pagan beliefs & successfully eliminated many heresies. put a catholic bible in front of me & i can confidently place my hand on it & tell you truly that The Church knows how to train its own.

after practicing magick for several years i was finding it difficult (but extremely interesting) getting used to working with a pack of Goëtic demons. however, after 9/11 i could finally face "evil" face-to-face. are humans inherently evil? or is it what we believe in that makes us so?

sorry, i have an equal opportunity stupidity detector: muslim, christian, jewish, pagan, catholic, neo-con, liberal, magician, moms-on-drugs, blah blah. i require, crave & need a certain type of intelligent analysis about human foibles. something better than "US Intelligence". highly recommended: the latest from k-pünk & rëza.


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