northanger (northanger) wrote,

creative lying

at big sis' house right now. fine-tuning data (sun/moon positions for Sukkot, Ramadan & converting Dark Moon times). got VOCs, Moon Phases & Biorhythms plugged in up to the 31-Dec. just need to work on Kalachakra stuff.

last night was bad — i keyed myself! sadly ... discovered what i'd kill for: a pack of smokes. gar, i'm a pathetic human. or, maybe i'm just average, i dunno.

i MUST call my mother (she's bugging big sis). what am i gonna tell the woman? i think once i get everything posted i should head out. the thought of going stone cold turkey on astroschyzy, nicotine, caffeine, internet, food — and very soon light & warmth (since PG&E bill hasn't been paid in awhile) — is rather depressing.

creative lying? hi mom {a} don't have a job. {b} just been over-emotional with the war in iraq & the hurricanes leaving so many homeless, {c} feeling that god has a mission for me, {d} i'm going to just start driving hoping he'll lead the way.

how can she refute a mission from god?


who was i kidding? mom was ready for me & kinda fiesty.

dad paying rent (because she can't). (why am i not surprised?) don't like it (don't get me wrong, i'm impressed — getting money out of him is like getting money out of...). but i do not like this.

mom pooh-poohs bright ideas: god wants you to take care of yourself. a care package of smokes & caffeine being air dropped (because this is not fema!). mom's an ex-smoker so she knows how it is.

why am i not looking for a job? nutshell: what credit rating? how did this happen? i'm a heroin addict. just kidding. started company with younger baby brother (the accountant). how did the company do? YBB still works there & i don't. if i got on anybody's payroll full-time i'd be garnished the rest of my life. fuck that. before i didn't trust white capitalists; after i don't trust black capitalists (who also happen to be republican).

things still up in the air with mom. plan to call her tomorrow same time. i'm going to finish up here & get back to astroschyzy.

considering other voices (in & outside my head).


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